Things are good. I guess. A lot of people wonder why I say that rather than just leaving it as plain "things are good." I might just not be giving it my all, I suppose. There I go, ending the thought with what can be easily mistaken to be a question or a hint of uncertainty. I'm okay with "good" for now.

Back to what this post was originally about. How secrets are never really secrets. For example, I tell my friend of something that has happened. She vows to never reveal this secret. But, what you didn't know, was that even though we are the closest of friends (in my view), she also has another close friend, with whom (don't worry about grammar right now and pay attention!) she tells certain secrets to. And so the secret is passed along, secretly of course. You continue your life thinking your unspeakable truth is safe, and it is, but not really. All of these people have sworn not to tell, but end up revealing it to someone who is the most trustworthy in THEIR lives. The secret passes on from friend to friend to boyfriend to their next girlfriend to their mother...well, you get the idea.

We're never truly safe.
I don't know if this scenario has happened to me, but I always think about it.

My budget for this month is $150.

December and January were expensive months due to Christmas and my mother's birthday, respectively. The only main event of this month that requires money is Valentines Day, but even the funds for that will be limited. I'll keep it under $15. (Gotta tell Alex about that)

Relay for Life is kicking my butt. Our team is THE only team that is mainly made up of a group of friends rather than being part of a sorority/frat/club. We really put off fundraising, but hopefully we can meet our goals. Thank goodness for connections.

I have to start thinking about ideas for fundraising.

I was talking to Joey today and reminiscing on our high school days (pfft. that wasn't that long ago) and I don't know if I miss it as much as I used to. The work was most definitely easier...sort of, but I think I missed it the most because I had already familiarized myself with it.  

alexander, stop trying to read my lj.
it's not happening. LOL

btw, I hope you know you could leave a comment.
It'll just read 'anonymous' because you have no LJ.
:) give it a go.

I honestly cannot do this anymore.
I can't.

Today I received my first paycheck.
I made a copy, because while it may not seem like a big deal, it really is to me.
While I was at work today, I thought, for once I don't feel like I'm not doing anything with my life. Even though it was tiring, and somewhat hectic(including all the paper cuts), I was finally somewhat...independent. Lol Sounds silly...I suppose, but whatever. It's liberating.
Knowing I have a "lunch break". Makes me smile and worry all at the same time.*

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before,
but anything involving money makes me really uncomfortable
and I really just try to avoid talking about it.
On the other hand, having my own money feels great.
I've always been one to save whatever money I have, but
this time I feel like giving. When I told my mom that I wanted
to spend my paycheck on gifts, she was in disbelief because of the
aforementioned. When I was buying the first two gifts, I promise you
when I say that I've never been happier. I love that I picked out
those gifts individually and carefully because I care about both of them.
I know they'll love it. Well, I hope they do. If not, then they can suck it.
lol


I'm somewhat disappointed in my grades. I did get only A's and B's, but still. I know
I could've done better. I really slacked off. And even though I left everything for last minute, I still did it again...and again...and again.

I need a wall calendar. I like counting days off for some reason. It gives me a sort of satisfaction knowing that I'm aware of what's going on around me. Hard to explain. I like being organized, but if I'm not in the mood, then my room will look like a cyclone happened drop by.

I'm definitely one of those people who makes alot of plans and has all sorts of ideas, but I never seem to execute them. I have so many ambitions, and yet, what am I doing to get there? Nothing. And it all reverts back to money, in some way. Which upsets me. It's all a little difficult to process when you think about the future and how you will apply your dreams to reality. I need to start doing that. Pronto.

*Time: I was speaking to my grandpa (who came along with 534515341 hordes of people from Dom. Rep.) and while he was giving me pointers(as always) about my driving, he pointed out how people are always in a rush here. I asked him if it was the same over there...and he replied that things just flow slower over there. I want to flow slow. Then again, I'd like to enjoy a siesta during the day. Spain? mmm In the future, perhaps.

All of that was relevant to each other.
Trust me.

I love my grandpa.

I honestly thought he'd laugh at me when I told him I wanted to study journalism.
But he didn't. On the contrary, he told me that if that's what I wanted to do and it's what I enjoyed, that I should go for it. My mother, on the other hand, laughed and said, "Don't come running to me when you have no money." She didn't really mean that(trust me, I know her lol), but it's sad because what if she's right? I want to be financially stable. There is NO way in hell I'd marry a guy for his money. I'm independant, just like she taught me to be. I still don't know about that whole "sharing income" thing with my future husband...

Point is, I'm stuck between money & doing what I really enjoy.
SpiderEd7 (9:18:09 PM): oooh
SpiderEd7 (9:18:11 PM): but dude
SpiderEd7 (9:18:13 PM): what do you LOVE
SpiderEd7 (9:18:18 PM): and dont say money because i'll e-slap you
unbreakablyfrail (9:18:20 PM): MONEY
unbreakablyfrail (9:18:20 PM): lmao
unbreakablyfrail (9:18:23 PM): hahaha
SpiderEd7 (9:18:26 PM): lmao
SpiderEd7 (9:18:29 PM): *e-slap*
unbreakablyfrail (9:18:28 PM): oh man
unbreakablyfrail (9:18:31 PM): you know me too well
unbreakablyfrail (9:18:45 PM): I LOVE FINANCIAL STABILITY AND EDITORIALS.
unbreakablyfrail (9:18:47 PM): the end.

I understand that money doesn't buy everything, BUT IT SURE AS HELL CAN BUY ME A nice house to live in, my children's college education, things for my mother, etc. If I did medicine, of course I'd try to help out the community. Obviously, but at the end of the day, I can't see myself stuck inside an office for the rest of my life. No, I don't want to write medical journals. Ew. lol And, contrary to what my mother believes, I DON'T COMPLETELY HATE the idea of medical school. I'd be willing to go through with it even if it was required for Editorial positions because that's what I like. I'm not lazy. I will work for what I want. But will I make it financially? Probably not :/ Bah, I'm stuck in the same position again.

Damn you, Christina Aguilera, with your odd song that happens to relate to this situation -_-

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Saw Brand New. I want them for life.
He really knows how to make out with his guitar.
( I'm sleeping on my side of the bed tonight )